Weddingtainment: Ellie and Awesome, "Chuck"

The cake didn't arrive? Your caterer brought shrimp cocktail instead of shrimp skewers? The flowers are the wrong color?

Don't worry. Your wedding is still going better than Ellie Bartowski's. Luckily she's taking it in stride.

Image from sepinwall.blogspot.com

Last night's "Chuck" finale featured the wedding of Chuck's older sister Ellie and her fiance Devon, better known as Captain Awesome (because he is a hot doctor who enjoys skydiving and other Awesome activities). Unfortunately, an enemy of our reluctant spy hero shows up to ruin the festivities. Not only does he threaten to kill Ellie unless Chuck does what he wants ... he threatens the cake! Clearly Chevy Chase is pure evil.

Image from NBC.com

If you're up for an hour of goofy, wedding-related fun, go to Hulu or NBC.com right now and stream "Chuck vs. the Ring." The episode is a bit heavy on the "Chuck" backstory (so don't worry if all the talk of the Intersect has you totally lost), but I think anyone who's ever planned or attended a wedding will sympathize with Chuck's horror as ... well, I won't tell you the whole story. Just know that it involves paratroopers, the worst wedding band ever, a last-minute alteration to a bridesmaid's dress, and some pretty scary in-laws.

Random wedding dislikes

When planning a wedding, you are bound to run into at least a few trends and traditions that just make you want to scream and run away, often for reasons you can't quite identify. Here are 5 wedding things that make me go "ick." I have no real reason to dislike any of the things on this list (with the possible exception of #4) -- it's more a knee-jerk reaction. But I'm feeling a bit punchy today, so I might as well vent :-)

5. Wedding favors

The perfect storm of emotional blackmail and WIC salesmanship -- "but if you don't give favors, how will you thank your guests for coming?" I also hate that every time I see a picture of a table setting with those adorable little favor boxes, I flirt with the idea of giving out favors just because the boxes would look so cute on the tables! Clearly, I have a problem.

Image from whiteaisle.com

4. People who obsess over what their family members are wearing to the wedding
If I run across one more bride on a message board throwing a fit over the color of her fiance's mother's dress, I will scream, and then possibly set the living room on fire. News flash: if you told your aunt to find a baby pink dress and she sent you photos of a coral dress, this is not a crisis. Not even close. And don't start wailing about how the pictures will be ruuuuuuuined if your family members aren't color-coordinated. No, they won't. I have tons of great group shots of friends and family that look fantastic despite the fact that no one told us what colors to wear. Some of us clash. So what? We look happy, we're all wearing outfits we like, and the pictures are great because they contain people I care about.

If your family members *ask* you what color they should wear, by all means, give them some ideas. But otherwise, stop mailing fabric swatches out to your aunts, uncles and cousins and let them dress themselves like grown-ups.

3. Pickup skirts
Heavy, poofy, princessy -- everything I wanted to avoid in a wedding dress.

Image from anythingbridal.com

2. The Tiffany blue-and-brown color combo
I know it's cool, I know it's stylish, but for some reason I can't stand seeing these colors next to each other. I think it looks like a mistake, like someone dropped a Tiffany's box in the mud and decided to make the best of it. (In general, I'm not a big fan of brown, so maybe that's my problem.) And am I the only one who finds it a little scary that Tiffany's has achieved the level of brand awareness where they have a color named after their company?

Image from weddingbycolor.com

1. "The Bridal Chorus" by Wagner (a.k.a. "Here Comes the Bride")
Maybe it was that time I heard a "Bridal Chorus" ring tone on someone's cell phone in a NYC coffee shop. Maybe it was learning that in Wagner's opera Lohengrin, the source of the famous "Bridal Chorus," the bride betrays her husband and ends up dead. Maybe it was all that time I spent as a child singing "Here comes the bride, big, fat and wide," with my friends as we married the Barbie with no hair to that Ken doll whose head kept falling off. (Our Barbies lived rather Shakespearean lives -- everyone either ended up married or dead.)

But I hate this song. I mean, I HATE it. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I'd rather walk down the aisle to "Muskrat Love." (Kidding ... sort of.)

What are your random wedding dislikes? Do you love anything on my list and think I'm a nut? Let me know!

How many excuses does it take to change a light bulb?

Aaaaand we're back to here.

My recalcitrant printer agreed to mail my invites on April 15 and send me the tracking number. On April 16, having heard nothing, I contacted her to ask what my status was. She replied that she was out of town for a family emergency.

She returned on the 21st, and when I contacted her, she told me my new delivery date is April 30 ... more than two weeks after what she promised me in March.

Sigh. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, I really do, and I don't question that she's had some bad luck of late. But after three and a half months of terrible communication and multiple tales of woe, she's starting to remind me of that student who always has an excuse for why she can't turn something in on time -- "my grandmother's sick," "my car broke down," "I'm super-busy and so stressed out," etc. etc.

It's gotten so bad that Econo Boy and I have already chosen and customized the Wedding Paper Divas invitations that we'll rush-order in mid-May if the Etsy invitations don't come through. If May 15 rolls around and we still don't have a tracking number, all we have to do is click "buy."

A couple of people have contacted me wanting to know this seller's name so they can steer clear. I don't feel comfortable trashing her by name, but I will advise anyone looking on Etsy for a printer to read the recent feedback *very* carefully (i.e. look for neutral as well as negative feedback -- neutral feedback doesn't get counted in the feedback score -- and make sure you're looking at feedback from fellow buyers, not sellers who sold things to the owner).

Wine Wednesday: Reds that knocked my socks off

Econo Boy has described my memory for certain wines as "disturbingly good." That's only partly true. A boring wine that I don't like much won't stick in my head -- in fact, I'm pretty sure I've bought the same dull, thin Bordeaux twice because I couldn't remember trying it and not liking it the next time I went to the liquor store. But I remember the good ones. Two years after our trip to Sonoma I still recall the peppery pop of Cline's Ancient Vines Zinfandel, the mouth-watering bubbles in J Vineyards Brut Reserve sparkling wine, and the soulful, classy finish of Benziger's Reserve Cabernet. (Granted, being at the winery makes it easier to remember the winners.)

There are two reds I've tried in the past few months that I know I'll remember for a long time.

Image from argonautliquor.com

The Altos las Hormigas Malbec 2007 is special from the moment you pour it into the glass. It's deep purple, really almost black, except around the edges where you can see a dark garnet color. It tastes as complex as it looks -- it's spicy and dry, but fruity and rich. It was far and away the best Malbec I've ever tried, and I can't wait to try the 2008 vintage. (The 2007 was enormously popular and can be tough to find.)

Image from ultimatewineshop.com

Forest Grove Cellars Syrah 2006, from Washington's Columbia Valley, is more approachable than the Malbec -- less spice, a softer finish -- but it too is a full-bodied, complex, powerful red wine. The best way to describe it is "mouth-watering." If you're looking something to pair with grilled steaks at your next BBQ, this is the one. I'm not usually a fan of Syrah/Shiraz, I often find them too sweet and rather unimaginative, but this one gets my unreserved seal of approval.

3 totally awesome things that have nothing to do with weddings

OK, I'm sick of weddings again. But that doesn't mean I can't blog! Here are three totally awesome things that I think you should know about. They have nothing to do with weddings, but did I mention they're awesome?

1. "Chuck," 8/7c Mondays on NBC

Image from www.geekshow.us

Take a sweet, smart guy whose life hasn't quite gone as planned -- that's Chuck Bartowski, our titular character. Now add a CIA-defector ex-roommate who plants the nation's secrets in his head. Throw in a gorgeous secret agent assigned to protect him (the fantastic Yvonne Strahovski as Sarah) and the hilarious Adam Baldwin as the National Security Agency's Major John Casey. Occasionally show us Chuck's screwed-up co-workers at the Buy More where he makes $11 an hour as a Nerd Herd tech support guy. Sprinkle with great alternative-indie music, ironic 80s references, and a bunch of villains named after obscure Philadelphia sports figures. The result: the most entertaining hour of TV all week.

"Chuck" sounds so off-the-wall that it's hard to explain to people who haven't seen it before, much less sell them on watching it. But trust me: all of those nutty elements I just mentioned work seamlessly in the show's context. If you're looking for 44 minutes of pure fun, go watch an episode on Hulu (I suggest "Chuck versus Santa Claus," one of the series' best episodes to date). Then tune in for the season's last two episodes, because if NBC cancels this quirky gem, I'm going to be completely crushed.

2. "Flower" for the Playstation 3
"Flower" is even harder to explain than "Chuck," but I'll give it a go. It's a short game you can download from the Playstation Network for $9.99 (i.e., don't look for it on Amazon.com or in stores). You play as ... well, sort of as a gust of wind. You steer by tilting the controller, and the object is to bring a barren landscape back to life by hitting a series of targets shaped like flowers. When you hit a target, you hear a musical note; hit lots in a row and the game becomes almost symphonic.

Image from www.digitaljournal.com

The graphics in "Flower" are stunning, and once you get used to the controls, it's an almost giddily good ride. It's unlike anything else I've ever played, and it's both exhilerating and oddly soothing.

3. The Matthew Shardlake novels by CJ Sansom

Image from www.amazon.co.uk

Matthew Shardlake, born a hunchback, is a lawyer in Tudor London whose connections with religious reform movements provide him with both powerful allies and terrifying enemies. In the first novel, Dissolution, Shardlake's patron and fellow reformer Lord Cromwell sends him to investigate a murder at a monastary, one that is being dissolved in accordance with King Henry VIII's new religious rules. The subsequent three books -- Dark Fire, Sovereign, and Revelation -- follow Shardlake as he continues to navigate the thorny webs of politics and religion, while trying to do right by his legal clients and solve murders.

The Shardlake books are alive with rich historical detail. CJ Sansom has a PhD in history, and it shows -- he gets the details right without beating his reader over the head with his knowledge of life in 16th-century England. The mysteries are sophisticated without being overly convoluted, his characters are fascinating, and his prose is elegant and readable. If you like historical mysteries, I strongly suggest you stop reading my blog right now and go immediately to the public library or bookstore. Dark Fire is my favorite, and I think Sovereign is the weakest of the four, but they're all well worth having on your nightstand.

Wine Wednesday: Pinot Grigio

My wine-drinking education continues. Did you know that wines get discontinued?

I didn't. I mean, it makes sense that if the 2007 bottling of a particular varietal doesn't sell well, the vineyard might not make a 2008 version, but I'm used to seeing the same wines vintage after vintage on the shelves in the store. So I was rather startled last week when the nice man at the liquor store called us to say that unfortunately, the Gimenez Riili Torrontes will not have a 2008 vintage, and he could not get us enough of the 2007 to fill our order. (Rats! I really liked that wine, and with Torrontes gaining popularity in the US I'm surprised the winery pulled the plug on it.)

A Pinot Grigio was the obvious replacement. Nobilo is atypical for its varietal, much richer than you usually expect from a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, and we wanted something crisp and light as a contrasting selection. We have two likely contenders: Hogue Cellars Pinot Grigio from Washington, and Clos du Bois Pinot Grigio from Sonoma.

The Hogue is a well-known bargain buy; it usually costs around $8 a bottle. The Clos du Bois runs more in the $12-14 range, but with a sale we may be able to swing it. The two are also quite different in taste. The Clos du Bois is delicate, with pear and grapefruit flavors, very crisp and light. The Hogue has a bit more punch to it, with lime and pineapple notes, and it's slightly fuller-bodied. The Clos du Bois is my personal favorite, but both are good buys -- and with summer just around the corner, this is a good time to start thinking about which white wines you want to sip on your porch after dinner! (Man, I want a porch.)

Negative vendor reviews

The other day I was surfing WeddingWire and I came across something that made me worry a bit -- a negative review for a vendor we booked. Granted, this is one negative review among the dozens of glowing ones, but it still took me by surprise, and suddenly I was questioning whether we'd made a mistake.

Earlier today another negative vendor review caused me to bite my lower lip and worry. I signed into Etsy to check in on my invitations (they're supposed to ship tomorrow, according to the timeline we agreed on -- wish me luck!!) and saw another buyer recently left my seller negative feedback due to non-delivery of an item. That makes two non-delivery complaints in the past month. Yikes. I really don't want to be #3.

All of which got me wondering -- why are negative reviews so much more influential on my psyche than positive ones? The customer isn't always right, after all, and no one review can tell the whole story about a vendor or about a particular transaction. Plus, sites like WeddingWire have no way of verifying that the reviews come from people who actually used the company, and I've heard there are some unscrupulous folks who will post fake bad reviews to beat down their competition. (This is obviously not the case with Etsy feedback, where a reviewer can't post anything unless he or she bought something.)

So why is it that user "RosieluvsJake" complaining that a vendor screwed up her order can make me start wondering whether we've made a huge mistake, automatically becoming more important than the 7 positive reviews posted earlier?

What about you guys? Do bad reviews make you nervous? Or do you ignore anonymous commenters on the Internet because you can't know if they're legit?