Sunday, November 16, 2008

I have a secret ...

I've tried to keep my secret quietly so I don't hurt anyone. But I can't take it anymore. I have to confess.

I hate wedding cakes.

There, I said it!

I hate how over-decorated they are. I hate how they get gunked up with flowers and ribbons and pearls (PEARLS?!) and icing in colors that no sensible human being would actually consume. I hate how they're made in cutesy ridiculous shapes. Let me give you some examples:

Images from

See what I mean? The bright blue icing! The squiggly metallic gold flowers! The elaborate shape! The $1000+ price tag! Aaargh!

Please don't confuse this with a hatred for cakes in general. I actually love cake. If I could figure out how to live on nothing but cake, believe me, I'd do it. My dislike for wedding cakes comes in part from the fact that they look nothing like real cakes. They're pretty, and there's clearly a lot of hard work and talent that goes into a cake like the ones above, but they don't make my mouth water like a real cake should. Generally speaking, they also taste nothing like real cakes. Fondant is pretty, but taste- and texture-wise it's the work of the devil.

My dislike for wedding cakes also won't prevent us from having cake at our wedding. I think what Econo Boy and I will do is order 1 or 2 sheet cakes for the caterers to serve, and then have a smaller two- or three-tiered cake for cake-cutting purposes. My dream cake would probably look like a cross between these two -- simple and yummy-looking, and decorated with lush summer berries. And buttercream icing only -- NO FONDANT!

Images from Gateaux
is a Denver-based bakery and will definitely be one of
my cake-tasting stops this December!

Am I insane? Am I a cake-hating philistine with no style or taste? Or am I just a purist, yearning for a simpler time when wedding cakes looked and tasted delicious rather than being contorted into elaborate dessert sculptures? I leave the verdict to you. Also, if you haven't already, check out the hilarious blog Cake Wrecks for amusingly misspelled, hideously ugly, or just plain ill-conceived cake disasters.


Blablover5 said...

I can understand a yearning for a simple cake. And a lot of people do something really simple by just wrapping ribbon around the bottom of cakes, there's no way that's got to be that hard for a decorator to do.

And fondant is evil. It's even more evil to try to color.

Sweet T said...

i'm right there with you! wedding cakes generally scare/depress/shock me with the ugliness.

We're doing two tiers of a small cake with buttercream. The cake tastes awesome, and not a drop of fondant in sight. whew.