Our efforts to follow up with guests who hadn't RSVPd yielded one excellent excuse, a couple who did RSVP but whose card went astray, and a handful of pretty lame responses.
* "I'm definitely coming, but my wife hasn't decided if she can make the time yet. Can you put her as a 'maybe'?"
* "Sorry I didn't return the card, I thought my dad already told you I couldn't make it." (Is it just me, or should someone over 30, living on his own, consider handling his own social calendar without parental assistance?)
* "Oh, right! I lost the invitation, but I totally want to come. When is it again? And can I bring my girlfriend?" (Age of guest: two years older than I am.)
But my personal favorite RSVP mishap was the phone call I got last night: "Hi BiE! I RSVP'd no, but then I realized the river rafting in Colorado was going to be awesome this month. Can I still come? I already bought the plane tickets." (This was a relative of mine! We got the call while staying with my grandparents, and my poor grandmother was beside herself with annoyance.)
To be honest, though, we're feeling pretty good about everything -- walkthroughs are scheduled, all invited guests are accounted for, our seating chart is in good shape, and we're arriving in Denver tomorrow. Whew! Here we go!
Showing posts with label guest list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest list. Show all posts
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
RSVPs part II: why it's important to follow up with the missing ones
A good friend of mine officially has the best reason ever for not RSVPing: he didn't receive an invitation!
In our defense, we did send one. But he had just moved, hadn't sent out his new address, and hadn't updated his addy with USPS. And fortunately, he did receive our e-mailed save-the-date back in January and had already purchased plane tickets and a hotel room, so he won't miss our wedding because of it. But I think he was relieved to hear that he is, in fact, 100% officially invited!
So if any of you, like A.'s dad or Econo Boy, feel bad about following up with people, keep my friend T's story in mind. It may feel a bit awkward to ask, "so, uh, are you coming or what?," but it's nowhere near as awkward as a guest whose invitation went astray having to ask, "so, uh, am I invited?"
Image from pinkdesignevents.blogspot.com
In our defense, we did send one. But he had just moved, hadn't sent out his new address, and hadn't updated his addy with USPS. And fortunately, he did receive our e-mailed save-the-date back in January and had already purchased plane tickets and a hotel room, so he won't miss our wedding because of it. But I think he was relieved to hear that he is, in fact, 100% officially invited!
So if any of you, like A.'s dad or Econo Boy, feel bad about following up with people, keep my friend T's story in mind. It may feel a bit awkward to ask, "so, uh, are you coming or what?," but it's nowhere near as awkward as a guest whose invitation went astray having to ask, "so, uh, am I invited?"
Image from pinkdesignevents.blogspot.comMonday, July 6, 2009
RSVPs have turned me into a crazy person
I don't know if anyone else is finding this to be the case, but as we get closer to the caterer's final deadline, I'm starting to see our guests, our beloved friends and family, almost purely as numbers on the spreadsheet -- as 1s in the "yes" column or 1s in the "no" column, as chicken, beef, or vegetarian meals, to be carefully color-coded on the place cards and reported to the caterer.
I am also developing a new category of guests. We have "friends," "family," and "people who don't RSVP on time." I'm a control freak. I can't help it. Missing numbers and head counts that don't match up bug me.
A while back, Sweet T lamented the apparent inability of some guests to RSVP, or to give attending a wedding any more consideration than they would have given the kegger at Pi Kappa Alpha back in the day. I think part of the problem is that many twentysomethings may not have had much experience planning large events, and therefore don't have a strong grasp on things like the importance of RSVPs (yes, the "please respond by" date meant something) or how much it means to the couple if you can come. I've noticed that wedding IQ tends to increase drastically between the ages of about 22 and 30. My matron of honor, who got married right out of college, had to deal with some pretty crazy stuff from friends and guests who sort of didn't "get" the whole wedding thing (as in, "I can't wait to come to your wedding! It's OK if I bring my 4 housemates, right? You've never met them but I'm sure you'll love them"). Four years later, I've had far fewer annoyances to cope with.
For those who might need a bit of help navigating a wedding invitation, I humbly present Bride in Exile's Guide to Being a Delightful Wedding Guest: What to Do When You Get an Invitation
For the uninitiated: This is a wedding invitation. It requests the pleasure of your company at a marriage ceremony, followed by a reception. Image from DauphinePress.com.
1. RSVP promptly.
"Promptly" means "by the date indicated on the invitation, and preferably as soon as you decide whether or not you're attending." If you're like most of us, and you have giant piles of random papers and mail in your house, procrastinating on your RSVP card will probably mean it gets lost somewhere in those piles. So just drop the little card in the mail already, or call, or e-mail. Really, you have so many options, so why not take 3 minutes to let your friends know if you'll be there? (Note: even if you think the couple already knows you're coming/not coming, you still need to formally RSVP after you get the invitation. It will be really helpful to the hosts to hear official confirmation.)
Our guests were actually really great about this -- as of the RSVP deadline, only about 10% of RSVPs were missing, and many of those trickled in a day or two later. But I've definitely known other couples who had to call huge portions of the guest list to find out their head count. This adds stress and more work to the couple's already full plate.
If your plans haven't solidified by the RSVP deadline and you think you might be able to make it but aren't sure, talk to the couple and let them know what's going on -- but be aware that this kind of "maybe" RSVP is really only acceptable under extraordinary circumstances, e.g. if at the time of the wedding you will be 8.25 months pregnant (one of my friends RSVPd "yes, unless the baby is early!"). Otherwise, you're just being indecisive and annoying.
2. Stick to your RSVP response.
The morning of my matron of honor's wedding, my beloved-but-sometimes-clueless younger brother, who had RSVP'd "yes," answered a call on his cell phone from my mom. She was also attending and wanted to know what time she should pick him up. Bro responded that he'd sort of forgotten about the wedding and thought he might just skip it. So I will quote my mom, semi-directly: "You have got to be kidding me. You don't RSVP 'yes' to a wedding, let the family pay for your meal, and then not show up because you 'don't feel like it.' This is not a frat party!" The next time I saw Bro, he was seated in the pews next to my mom wearing a jacket and tie. (Now *that's* parenting!)
So to echo my mom: weddings (or really any event where you're asked to RSVP) are not frat parties. Nor are they like that "Welcome Freshmen!" BBQ at the college dining hall. Extra people or missing people will be noticed, and will annoy your hosts. So if you said you'd be there, be there. (Obvious exceptions for births of babies, family emergencies, canceled flights, and other events beyond your control.) Don't decide to skip it in favor of the TV Movie of the Week or drinks with that cute girl in your office who you think might like you. Conversely, if you said you couldn't make it -- or worse, if you didn't bother to RSVP at all -- don't show up and expect dinner to be waiting for you.
3. If the wedding invitation is only addressed to you, don't assume you can bring a date.
The invitation is intended to invite the person or persons to whom it's addressed -- and no one else. If the envelope says "Miss Mary Smith and Guest," obviously it's cool if you bring a date. If it just says "Miss Mary Smith," please don't respond for two -- at least, not without checking with the couple first.
I am of the somewhat unpopular opinion that it's OK to call and ask if you can bring a date, provided that you are asking on behalf of a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. Econo Boy and I received several of these calls and said "yes" every time. But not all receptions will have extra space or extra room in the budget. If the bride or groom says "no, we're sorry, that won't work," don't whine or pout or bad-mouth the couple to your friends. You're a grown-up. Deal with it graciously, and either go alone or politely decline.
And for pete's sake, don't call the morning of the wedding and ask if it's OK that your new girlfriend is planning to "tag along." #1 also applies to asking about dates.
I'm a bit cranky. Can you tell? I think it's the giant pile of boxes I'm staring at right now. Moving is not fun.
I am also developing a new category of guests. We have "friends," "family," and "people who don't RSVP on time." I'm a control freak. I can't help it. Missing numbers and head counts that don't match up bug me.
A while back, Sweet T lamented the apparent inability of some guests to RSVP, or to give attending a wedding any more consideration than they would have given the kegger at Pi Kappa Alpha back in the day. I think part of the problem is that many twentysomethings may not have had much experience planning large events, and therefore don't have a strong grasp on things like the importance of RSVPs (yes, the "please respond by" date meant something) or how much it means to the couple if you can come. I've noticed that wedding IQ tends to increase drastically between the ages of about 22 and 30. My matron of honor, who got married right out of college, had to deal with some pretty crazy stuff from friends and guests who sort of didn't "get" the whole wedding thing (as in, "I can't wait to come to your wedding! It's OK if I bring my 4 housemates, right? You've never met them but I'm sure you'll love them"). Four years later, I've had far fewer annoyances to cope with.
For those who might need a bit of help navigating a wedding invitation, I humbly present Bride in Exile's Guide to Being a Delightful Wedding Guest: What to Do When You Get an Invitation
For the uninitiated: This is a wedding invitation. It requests the pleasure of your company at a marriage ceremony, followed by a reception. Image from DauphinePress.com.1. RSVP promptly.
"Promptly" means "by the date indicated on the invitation, and preferably as soon as you decide whether or not you're attending." If you're like most of us, and you have giant piles of random papers and mail in your house, procrastinating on your RSVP card will probably mean it gets lost somewhere in those piles. So just drop the little card in the mail already, or call, or e-mail. Really, you have so many options, so why not take 3 minutes to let your friends know if you'll be there? (Note: even if you think the couple already knows you're coming/not coming, you still need to formally RSVP after you get the invitation. It will be really helpful to the hosts to hear official confirmation.)
Our guests were actually really great about this -- as of the RSVP deadline, only about 10% of RSVPs were missing, and many of those trickled in a day or two later. But I've definitely known other couples who had to call huge portions of the guest list to find out their head count. This adds stress and more work to the couple's already full plate.
If your plans haven't solidified by the RSVP deadline and you think you might be able to make it but aren't sure, talk to the couple and let them know what's going on -- but be aware that this kind of "maybe" RSVP is really only acceptable under extraordinary circumstances, e.g. if at the time of the wedding you will be 8.25 months pregnant (one of my friends RSVPd "yes, unless the baby is early!"). Otherwise, you're just being indecisive and annoying.
2. Stick to your RSVP response.
The morning of my matron of honor's wedding, my beloved-but-sometimes-clueless younger brother, who had RSVP'd "yes," answered a call on his cell phone from my mom. She was also attending and wanted to know what time she should pick him up. Bro responded that he'd sort of forgotten about the wedding and thought he might just skip it. So I will quote my mom, semi-directly: "You have got to be kidding me. You don't RSVP 'yes' to a wedding, let the family pay for your meal, and then not show up because you 'don't feel like it.' This is not a frat party!" The next time I saw Bro, he was seated in the pews next to my mom wearing a jacket and tie. (Now *that's* parenting!)
So to echo my mom: weddings (or really any event where you're asked to RSVP) are not frat parties. Nor are they like that "Welcome Freshmen!" BBQ at the college dining hall. Extra people or missing people will be noticed, and will annoy your hosts. So if you said you'd be there, be there. (Obvious exceptions for births of babies, family emergencies, canceled flights, and other events beyond your control.) Don't decide to skip it in favor of the TV Movie of the Week or drinks with that cute girl in your office who you think might like you. Conversely, if you said you couldn't make it -- or worse, if you didn't bother to RSVP at all -- don't show up and expect dinner to be waiting for you.
3. If the wedding invitation is only addressed to you, don't assume you can bring a date.
The invitation is intended to invite the person or persons to whom it's addressed -- and no one else. If the envelope says "Miss Mary Smith and Guest," obviously it's cool if you bring a date. If it just says "Miss Mary Smith," please don't respond for two -- at least, not without checking with the couple first.
I am of the somewhat unpopular opinion that it's OK to call and ask if you can bring a date, provided that you are asking on behalf of a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. Econo Boy and I received several of these calls and said "yes" every time. But not all receptions will have extra space or extra room in the budget. If the bride or groom says "no, we're sorry, that won't work," don't whine or pout or bad-mouth the couple to your friends. You're a grown-up. Deal with it graciously, and either go alone or politely decline.
And for pete's sake, don't call the morning of the wedding and ask if it's OK that your new girlfriend is planning to "tag along." #1 also applies to asking about dates.
I'm a bit cranky. Can you tell? I think it's the giant pile of boxes I'm staring at right now. Moving is not fun.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Duck and cover: the kids issue
RSVPs are rolling in, and for some reason, last week I thought it would be a lot of fun to start playing around with a seating chart.
Fun. Ha. What on earth was I thinking?
Image from TopTablePlanner.com
The primary thing I'm worried about with the seating chart at the moment is the issue of kids. Months and months ago, Econo Boy and I decided to limit the guest list to ages 12 and over. Econo Boy's parents love kids, but in their social circle, no one invites children to weddings -- weddings are Adult Events, end of story. Upon hearing their reasoning, my dad, who has less than zero tolerance for the misbehavior of toddlers, jumped on the adults-only bandwagon so fast my head spun. (I have no idea how he survived our Terrible Twos.) So, with the major financial contributors strongly backing this option, no-kids-under-12 it was.
So far, no one has objected or been upset at having their young children left off the guest list -- at least, not that I know.
But now I'm looking at a version of a seating chart that has a couple with 2 young children who won't be there (ages 1 and 4) at a table with 2 older children who were invited (ages 12 and 14). Suddenly I'm worried the couple whose children aren't there will be upset that other children were invited, even with the obvious 10-year age difference. I'm also worried that people will get their noses out of joint when they see that some close friends of ours are bringing their 2-month-old baby. (But good grief, the kid is nursing and eats every 2 hours, and they're flying out for our wedding. Asking them to come sans baby would be insane.)
This is one area where I fear that the wedding blogosphere has overloaded me with information and opinions. I would never have fretted about this kind of stuff had I not read so many scary comments about people's reactions to kids/no kids.
And frankly, I'm still a little baffled at the strong feelings people have about bringing their kids to weddings -- some parents seem to feel entitled to bring their uninvited little ones because "weddings are about FAMILY and children are part of FAMILIES and if you don't invite FAMILIES your wedding is a SHAM and you are an awful bridezilla." Really? The marriage is fake and the couple (mostly the bride) is evil because they thought a late-night party with an open bar wasn't a great place for kids? Aren't we overstating things a tad? And when did the concept of "FAMILY" become a club you use to beat your loved ones into submission?
I can't help wondering if this is one of those areas where a vocal minority on the internet makes a particular problem or opinion seem much more common than it really is. What do you guys think? Is the kids/no kids battle overblown? Or are you finding yourself facing it at your weddings?
Fun. Ha. What on earth was I thinking?
Image from TopTablePlanner.comThe primary thing I'm worried about with the seating chart at the moment is the issue of kids. Months and months ago, Econo Boy and I decided to limit the guest list to ages 12 and over. Econo Boy's parents love kids, but in their social circle, no one invites children to weddings -- weddings are Adult Events, end of story. Upon hearing their reasoning, my dad, who has less than zero tolerance for the misbehavior of toddlers, jumped on the adults-only bandwagon so fast my head spun. (I have no idea how he survived our Terrible Twos.) So, with the major financial contributors strongly backing this option, no-kids-under-12 it was.
So far, no one has objected or been upset at having their young children left off the guest list -- at least, not that I know.
But now I'm looking at a version of a seating chart that has a couple with 2 young children who won't be there (ages 1 and 4) at a table with 2 older children who were invited (ages 12 and 14). Suddenly I'm worried the couple whose children aren't there will be upset that other children were invited, even with the obvious 10-year age difference. I'm also worried that people will get their noses out of joint when they see that some close friends of ours are bringing their 2-month-old baby. (But good grief, the kid is nursing and eats every 2 hours, and they're flying out for our wedding. Asking them to come sans baby would be insane.)
This is one area where I fear that the wedding blogosphere has overloaded me with information and opinions. I would never have fretted about this kind of stuff had I not read so many scary comments about people's reactions to kids/no kids.
And frankly, I'm still a little baffled at the strong feelings people have about bringing their kids to weddings -- some parents seem to feel entitled to bring their uninvited little ones because "weddings are about FAMILY and children are part of FAMILIES and if you don't invite FAMILIES your wedding is a SHAM and you are an awful bridezilla." Really? The marriage is fake and the couple (mostly the bride) is evil because they thought a late-night party with an open bar wasn't a great place for kids? Aren't we overstating things a tad? And when did the concept of "FAMILY" become a club you use to beat your loved ones into submission?
I can't help wondering if this is one of those areas where a vocal minority on the internet makes a particular problem or opinion seem much more common than it really is. What do you guys think? Is the kids/no kids battle overblown? Or are you finding yourself facing it at your weddings?
Monday, December 1, 2008
some random wedding planning observations
Is it just me, or does wedding planning come in waves? One minute I'm ignoring everything wedding-related (except for the chance to ramble on my blog), and the next it's all wedding all the time. Thanksgiving weekend definitely fell into the latter category. Between ordering the bridesmaids' dresses (which shipped today! Nice work, J. Crew!), discussing the guest list with Econo Boy's parents (more on that soon), showing off my gorgeous White Aisle invitation samples (the tea-length Blossom invitation is the front-runner), and trying to coordinate both a shower and an engagement party with the hosts of said events, I'm kinda wedding-ed out.
Here's my favorite invitation so far!
Image from http://whiteaisle.com;
click the photo to see this invitation set
on the White Aisle website.
Ah yes ... the guest list. Based on my totally scientific reading of 3 wedding magazines and various bridal blogs, it seems that the major source of stress for most wedding planners is the dreaded guest list. Econo Boy and I knew going in that it was extremely important to his parents to invite not only Econo Boy's sizeable family, but also their sizeable social circle (we both grew up in Colorado and so it's a hometown wedding for both of us).
So practically the first thing we did after getting engaged was ask both sets of parents to come up with a list of all of the people they might want to invite to the wedding. The final tally, including our own pals, was 190. Based on that number, we estimated that we'll have less than 150 guests, but we chose a venue that can hold up to 200 people so we don't have to stress about getting enough "no" RSVPs.
So we're happy, our parents are happy, it's all good, right? Well, sort of. A fair number of our married friends are horrified that we're letting our families have any say at all in the guest list. "You don't have to give in to that," they say. "It's stupid to invite a bunch of people you barely know just because your parents want them there. Trust us, we've been through this wedding thing. Your parents' friends don't belong at your wedding."
Hmmm. On the one hand, yeah, in my ideal world we'd have an expected head count closer to 80 -- I'm worried about our wedding feeling giant and impersonal. But on the other hand, this is important to our families as well, and many of our parents' friends have watched us grow up, helped us with school projects, given us graduation presents, and generally been part of that whole "takes a village to raise a child" thing. Plus, Econo Boy's parents gave us a very generous gift towards the wedding fund to ensure that inviting their big guest list won't mean everyone is eating bulk-purchased pretzels for dinner. So I'm OK with the "big tent" approach to our guest list. Not thrilled, per se, but I think everyone will be happier with this strategy.
How much say did your parents have in your guest list? Was this at all influenced by who was paying? Are we insane for throwing open the doors and letting our parents invite whoever they want, or smart for prioritizing family happiness?
Here's my favorite invitation so far! Image from http://whiteaisle.com;
click the photo to see this invitation set
on the White Aisle website.
Ah yes ... the guest list. Based on my totally scientific reading of 3 wedding magazines and various bridal blogs, it seems that the major source of stress for most wedding planners is the dreaded guest list. Econo Boy and I knew going in that it was extremely important to his parents to invite not only Econo Boy's sizeable family, but also their sizeable social circle (we both grew up in Colorado and so it's a hometown wedding for both of us).
So practically the first thing we did after getting engaged was ask both sets of parents to come up with a list of all of the people they might want to invite to the wedding. The final tally, including our own pals, was 190. Based on that number, we estimated that we'll have less than 150 guests, but we chose a venue that can hold up to 200 people so we don't have to stress about getting enough "no" RSVPs.
So we're happy, our parents are happy, it's all good, right? Well, sort of. A fair number of our married friends are horrified that we're letting our families have any say at all in the guest list. "You don't have to give in to that," they say. "It's stupid to invite a bunch of people you barely know just because your parents want them there. Trust us, we've been through this wedding thing. Your parents' friends don't belong at your wedding."
Hmmm. On the one hand, yeah, in my ideal world we'd have an expected head count closer to 80 -- I'm worried about our wedding feeling giant and impersonal. But on the other hand, this is important to our families as well, and many of our parents' friends have watched us grow up, helped us with school projects, given us graduation presents, and generally been part of that whole "takes a village to raise a child" thing. Plus, Econo Boy's parents gave us a very generous gift towards the wedding fund to ensure that inviting their big guest list won't mean everyone is eating bulk-purchased pretzels for dinner. So I'm OK with the "big tent" approach to our guest list. Not thrilled, per se, but I think everyone will be happier with this strategy.
How much say did your parents have in your guest list? Was this at all influenced by who was paying? Are we insane for throwing open the doors and letting our parents invite whoever they want, or smart for prioritizing family happiness?
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