On polite disagreement over the Internet

Let me be clear as I start this post: I've been really psyched by the comments people leave me on this blog! Everyone who's posted something here has been cool and thoughtful, and I haven't had a single spam post offering to enhance the size of my non-existent male anatomy. On the internet, that's pretty dang good.

So I'm not writing this because someone hurt my delicate feelings on this blog. But lately I've noticed several comments on other wedding blogs that are ... less than supportive. Think things that Regina from "Mean Girls" would write in her slam book. Things like, "You're stupid for buying into the David's Bridal 'white dress' fantasy, no wonder you don't like how you look" or "Ugh. Your invitations are lame and cheesy, and I hate cheesy." Tragically, there are many women who prove that John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory holds true for both genders: Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad. (For the original illustration of this equation, visit Penny Arcade.)

To combat this phenomenon (however futile my efforts may be), I hereby present: Bride in Exile's Guide to Polite Disagreement Over the Internet.

So you've encountered a blog post, or comment on a blog post, that horribly offends your sensibilities? You're not alone. And you are almost certainly typing up a witty, scathing response to said post or comment. But before you hit "submit," I humbly suggest you take the following steps:

• Pretend the person who wrote the blog post or comment is a real person. (This should be easy, since they are real people!)
• Remember that we all have different tastes and different preferences, and that no one can be reasonably expected to agree with you about absolutely everything.
  

Then, when composing your comment:

• Don't type anything you wouldn't say to someone's face. Instead of phrasing what you have to say in the nastiest way possible, think about what you'd say if you were sitting across from this person at a dinner table. Would you really say, "Brown and blue weddings are utterly hideous. Picking those colors shows you have no creativity" to someone in person? (If you would, uh ... I commend your blunt honesty, but don't expect to get invited to many dinner parties.) Often, the best thing to say in situations like this is nothing at all. Just because someone said their colors are brown and blue doesn't mean YOU have to like brown and blue.
• If you can think of a gentle, polite way to express your disagreement, go for it! Honest, courteous discussion is a great thing. But something along the lines of, "I was uncomfortable with that option for X reason" or "I did Y instead of X, I think it was better because of Z" will get you much further than saying "Ugh, Option X is so cliched and cheesy."
• If what this person has to say is so offensive that you can't possibly be polite, go ahead and leave your nasty comment ... and then go read something else. Don't be a troll. It just ratchets up your blood pressure and wastes valuable time.

So there we have it -- my advice for politely expressing disagreements of opinion. Not to get all soapboxy, but I think this is a skill we really need more of in the US. To be frank, the last thing that will convince me to vote for John McCain is being told that anyone who votes for Barack Obama clearly doesn't read newspapers. (Actual line said by someone at my grandmother's funeral. Ugh.)

Phew! OK, now to cleanse the palate, here's a gorgeous photo of a short-haired bride I just spotted on Brides.com.


As a short-haired bride myself, I'm always looking for inspiration like this -- I do want to wear a veil during the ceremony, but now I'm super-tempted to find a sparkly comb or hair clip to wear during the reception!