In defense of brunch

The new blog Help Me Pay For My Wedding has been the subject of some talk on wedding blogs and boards lately. In a nutshell, a newly engaged woman is asking people on the internet to donate money so she can throw her dream wedding in a fabulous venue. The discussion is going about how you'd expect, with some people thinking she's clever and others getting in a lather over how tacky, spoiled and entitled she is. When I first read about the site, I leaned more towards the latter, but quickly calmed down -- I'm not really tempted to throw any of my own money her way, but if she wants to see how much money she can get from strangers just by asking it's an interesting social experiment.

But when I visited her blog, what did make me mad was her explanation of why she couldn't possibly do anything other than a Saturday night wedding:

One option to reduce the cost was a suggestion the salesperson at dream location offered - get married on a Sunday morning and serve brunch. Somehow, the stunning wedding I’ve imagined does not include toast and scrambled eggs. Ugh.

Gaaah! The horror! The nerve! She insulted brunch!!

Image from The Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs,
www.broadmoor.com.

Brunch is a quasi-religious experience for me, and not one I equate with toast and scrambled eggs. Back in Colorado, on Easter, Mother's Day, and other random Sundays, my family used to join my uncle's family for brunch at their country club. We would put on our Sunday best, drive down after church, meet up with some of my favorite people in the whole world, and enjoy a delicious buffet containing some or all of the following:

• Homemade pastries
• Prime rib sliced to order
• Omelets made in front of your eyes from whatever you wanted
• Belgian waffles
• Stuffed French toast
• Mimosas
• Fresh fruit
• Shrimp cocktail
• Lox
• Blintzes and crepes
  

It was a special family experience, as well as a delicious meal, and I think it was every bit as yummy and elegant as anything we're planning for our Saturday dinner wedding. As I wrote a while back, I would have *loved* to serve brunch at our reception, but was soundly rejected by a horrified Econo Boy, who insisted that we couldn't serve brunch to people who had made a special trip out to Colorado for our wedding.

So I guess my question is, what's the problem with brunch? Why do so many people (including Econo Boy) seem to consider brunch not good enough to serve to people who have traveled to attend your wedding? I've always considered brunch luxurious, even decadent, and definitely worth a special trip. But are my childhood memories blinding me to the fact that brunch just isn't as "classy" as dinner? Or am I right -- brunch rules and should totally be served at more wedding receptions? Inquiring minds want to know!

Guests in exile, or, is brunch worth a plane ticket?

Econo Boy and I tend to be of one mind on almost everything. It's actually kind of disturbing. Sometimes I worry that we'll end up like those couples who dress alike and speak in unison and basically freak everyone out with their scary identical-ness.

Because we're so similar, it tends to take us aback when we discover a point of disagreement. For example, what kind of wedding we should have.

I can't remember where I read this, but I remember reading at some point that Sunday brunch receptions tend to be much less expensive than Saturday night dinner receptions. I love brunch, so I immediately pictured us saying our vows at 11am and heading in to a scrumptious buffet.

Hello, delicious! Image from JoellesFrenchBistro.com.

But when I floated this idea by Econo Boy, he was less than enthusiastic. Actually, he was appalled. "We can't ask people to come to Colorado just for BRUNCH!" he said, his eyes wide with horror.

I could see he had his heart on Saturday night dinner and dancing and I gave way, but I remained completely baffled by his insistence that a brunch reception was an unacceptable slight to our guests. (This is a man who thought it would be "no big deal" to choose a ceremony site that didn't have enough seats for everyone!)

Today, Meg at A Practical Wedding (one of my two favorite wedding blogs -- if you haven't, definitely check it out!) wrote a post about a 1927 wedding that elicited much commentary about how much simpler weddings were before World War II. It's true, most of them were! And I think the shift has been in large part due to the increasing number of out of town guests at most weddings. Back In The Day, more people spent their entire lives in the same area, if not the same town. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends almost certainly lived nearby. Since few had to travel a great distance to the wedding, I think there was less pressure to do anything beyond cake and punch or a wedding breakfast.

But now, with so many people who go to college out-of-state and/or move far from their parents, it's much likelier that our friends and family are scattered all over the country, if not the world. The idea that your nearest and dearest are plunking down a big chunk of change for airfare and hotels in order to be with you definitely ratchets up the pressure to "go big."

Personally, and I say this as an airport-hating out-of-town-guest veteran, I think a lot of couples (and, apparently, Econo Boy) put too much weight on "making it worth the trip." "Will the party be big enough to justify the cost of my plane ticket?" has honestly never entered into my decision about whether to attend a wedding.

But I do think if your guest list contains many people who are coming from out of town, it's good to be thoughtful about the fact that travel is a hassle and do what you can to make it easier for them. Some of my favorite out-of-town-guest gestures are:

1. Maps. I have no sense of direction, so I love it when couples include Mapquest directions with the invitations, on the website, or in out-of-town guest bags.
2. Booking blocks of hotel rooms. This is so much easier than researching dozens of hotels in an unfamiliar city and trying to figure out which ones are closest to the reception site.
   
3. Inviting OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. This one's a bit controversial, and I'd never be offended if I wasn't invited to a rehearsal dinner, but I usually fly in the day before the wedding and it's lovely to have a meal already planned and people to talk to!

Some things I think aren't necessary:

1. "Activities" to fill the time. I'm a grownup. I don't need you to book me a bus tour of San Francisco in order to keep me entertained.
2. Out of town guest bags. They're a lovely gesture, and I do like it when maps are included, but if putting them together means lots of extra expense and stress, skip it!
3. Putting yourself into debt to throw a party you can't afford.

What does everyone else think? Does inviting out of town guests obligate you to throw a huge party? Or will people be happy to be there regardless?