On my last post, Ruthie made a comment that kind of hit home for me: "it's easy to get down on yourself, wedding or no wedding."
It hit home for me because I've been doubting myself in a major way of late. It's not entirely about the wedding; in fact, it's mostly about my career prospects post-grad school. Long story short, I'm trying to make peace with the fact that given the awful job market, the chances of finding a job in my chosen field are ... not great. Actually, close to zero. Coping with that reality has been hard, and isn't exactly a recipe for high self-esteem.
Mostly the wedding has been a fun escape, and a source of minor victories (we finalized the invitation wording! hooray!). But sometimes it makes me feel like the biggest, most incompetent idiot in the world. Today I almost curled into a ball because we have a pretty substantial surplus in our budget (I know, the horror) and I couldn't decide if we wanted to spend the money to upgrade our menu from just chicken to chicken and beef. Sometimes I wonder if I should have picked a different dress, or whether the brightly colored flowers I planned will look weird in a historic mansion, or if we chose the wrong caterer. I know that none of this is important, that as long as we get the marriage license and our officiant shows up our wedding will be a success in the only way that really matters. But I've never been a stylish or terribly creative person and it's so easy to second-guess myself about fashion choices and color schemes.
Ruthie's comment made me realize that I was giving in to the same kind of pressure that I'd sneered at in the post about wedding diets: the pressure to Make Things Perfect. That realization caught me by surprise, and I hope now I can take a deep breath and remind myself that no matter what I do, it won't be perfect. Which means I can stop second-guessing myself, do the best I can, and know that it's good enough -- and "good enough" will probably still be pretty special, at least to the two of us.