Wine Wednesday: Booze breakdown

A while back, I promised a reader that I'd do a breakdown of how much alcohol we ordered, and how much we had left over. And I like to keep my promises, so, here we go!

BiE and Econo Boy's Alcohol Breakdown
Estimated number of guests: 150
Actual final guest count: 137
Bar time: 4.25 hours (as specified in our contract with the venue)

What we ordered:
* 12 cases of wine (6 red, 6 white)
* 2 cases of sparkling wine
* 10 cases of beer (Blue Moon and Fat Tire)
* 2 bottles of gin (1.75 L)
* 2 bottles of vodka (1.75 L)
* 2 bottles of bourbon (1 L)

What we had left:
* 4 unopened cases of wine (1 red, 3 white) plus about two mixed cases of unopened bottles, mostly red.
* 8 bottles of sparkling wine
* 3 unopened cases of beer, plus two more nearly-full partial cases
* 1 nearly-full bottle of gin
* 2 nearly-full bottles of vodka (I couldn't believe this one! They must have poured maybe 5 vodka drinks total.)
* 1 half-full bottle of bourbon

Clearly, we over-ordered!

Fortunately, we recovered a full 25% of our total liquor costs with returns to the store. But we still have quite a bit of leftover alcohol sitting in our parents' basements in CO. Some of that is because we had planned for more guests. A lot of the leftovers are almost certainly due to the stunted cocktail hour -- far fewer drinks were poured after the ceremony because of the rain and the need to strike the outdoor bar and move it inside. I also think we would have had a lot less leftover Cava if it had been poured prior to the toasts.

I was, however, very surprised at how much hard alcohol we had left over. I thought it would be gone by the end of the cocktail hour, but not so. And obviously vodka wasn't a big hit with our crowd, while bourbon was. (I went to college in the South, where whiskey and Coke is often the drink of choice, so I think this was specific to our guests -- I don't know if I'd suggest making a point of serving bourbon at most weddings, but for ours, I was glad we decided to offer it!)

So if someone asked me how much alcohol they should buy for their wedding, here's what I'd suggest for approximately 140 guests with 4.25 hours of bar time:
* 10 cases of wine (5 red, 5 white)
* 2 cases of sparkling wine
* 8 cases of beer (2 kinds)
* 2 bottles of gin (1L)
* 2 bottles of vodka, rum, bourbon, or other favorite liquor (1L)

We would still have had leftovers with the amounts listed above, but I think with a full cocktail hour, most of this would probably get consumed!

Remember, this is not a universal checklist -- how much you'll need depends a lot on your guests. Ours was not a terribly hard-drinking crowd (I'd estimate maybe 1 drink per hour per person), and went for the wine and beer much more than they did for the hard liquor (with the exception of the bourbon). If your family eschews wine but loves rum and coke, or you think that my 1 drink/hour estimate is too high or too low for your crowd, adjust accordingly.

One final note: bringing our own alcohol saved us a *lot* of money. The markups on alcohol at restaurants, country clubs, and hotels are significant. Many venues that make you buy their alcohol will try to tell you that you won't save that much money by going with a BYOB venue because you'll over-order and be stuck paying for alcohol nobody drank, but as someone who did have a lot of leftovers, I'm here to tell you that we still saved a bundle. Two friends of ours who got married at a country club last year confided that they spent nearly twice as much as we had on their bar, and they had half as many guests! Per person, they spent roughly four times what we spent on alcohol. So while BYOB is a bit of a hassle logistically, financially speaking, it may be worth it. Just make sure your liquor store accepts returns of unopened cases!

Post-wedding wisdom: advice to future brides and grooms

Much of the best advice Econo Boy and I got while planning our wedding came from those who had been there -- whether in person from friends close by, over e-mail or phone from friends far away, or via blogs. So what advice would I personally pass on? Why, I'm glad you asked! (OK, you didn't ask. But I'm going to tell you anyway. It's a habit of mine and a key reason my chosen career is that of "professor.")

3. DOC? Totally worth it.
Our venue was more or less a blank space. We had to bring in everything -- plates, linens, tables, chairs, caterer, alcohol, the works. That's a lot of moving parts to keep track of on a day when 140 people all want to give you a hug and ask how your dissertation's going. It's also a lot of phone calls to make the week before the wedding in order to confirm contracts and delivery times. I also had a few DIY projects that I really wanted out at the reception -- our menu cards, our escort cards, and our table numbers.

Hiring a day-of coordinator ensured that Econo Boy and I didn't have to worry about any of the event-planning stuff on our wedding day. We also didn't have to keep an eye on the time, wondering if it was time for the first dance or whether we'd cut the cake ahead of schedule. Instead, we relied on our DOC to tell us what we were doing and when. Much less stressful!

2. You can't please everyone.
If you throw a Saturday night wedding in the summer and limit your guest list to family and close friends, some people will claim you're being selfish by having a "fancy" wedding at the expense of including more people. If you throw a lunchtime wedding on a Sunday for 300 people, including everyone's dates and roommates and pets, some people will gripe that they barely got to see the bride and groom and wonder why you needed to have so many people there. Hire a live band, and you're sure to hear someone complaining that the "real" songs played by a DJ are more fun. Hire a DJ, and someone will tell you a live band is always better. And if you throw the fanciest Saturday night wedding imaginable for 300 guests, have a ten-hour reception so you can visit with all of them, and you somehow manage to have a DJ and a live band, someone will sniff that you shouldn't have "wasted" all that money.

So accept now that whatever choice you make, someone somewhere on your guest list probably won't like it. Guess what? It doesn't matter. It's your wedding, and you get to set the priorities.

I'm not saying you should jettison guest comfort as a consideration and do something like not rent enough chairs or not feed everyone in order to afford the deluxe limo package and a $10,000 ball gown. Just because it's your wedding doesn't give you the right to treat your guests or your bridal party like peons who are lucky to be in your august presence on Your Special Day.

But here's the thing -- however much the media (I'm looking at you, "Bride Wars" movie trailer) tries to ram the Bridezilla stereotype down our throats, most brides and grooms aren't selfish monsters. Most of them are just trying to throw the best party they can for their loved ones, while honoring what they personally want out of their wedding day. You probably fall in that category. So don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you've committed a crime against humanity by having an outdoor ceremony. Ignore them. At their wedding, they can have an indoor ceremony. Besides, I guarantee you that someone else on your guest list absolutely *loathes* indoor ceremonies and would gripe quietly in the pews if dragged to a church for your nuptials.

Remember that aesthetics are not ethics. You are not a horrible person for having a Sunday afternoon wedding, or a Saturday evening wedding, or a Wednesday morning wedding. You are not a horrible person for choosing a cake with chocolate ganache instead of white buttercream. You are not a horrible person for inviting 50 people, or 150, or 500. And if someone really hates what you've done with your wedding, I humbly suggest that they skip the event. That's what the "Decline" box on the RSVP is for.

1. Trust your gut when it comes to vendors.
I was only disappointed in two of our wedding vendors (the printer who did our invitations and the string quartet), and in both cases, I had a feeling that they weren't going to measure up. The warning signs were poor communication, unhelpful or flat-out unprofessional behavior, or (in the case of the musicians) a condescending "we're the professionals here, sweetie, let us do it our way and stop asking questions" attitude.

So if a vendor gives you attitude or isn't communicating with you, and that vendor is in charge of something you really care about, don't be afraid to look elsewhere, even if you'll forfeit a deposit by switching.* You may hurt some feelings, but you're not running a charity for snotty wedding vendors, you're paying a businessperson to do their job. I found, and I think others have also found, that the way a vendor behaves before the wedding is a pretty good indicator of the kind of job they'll end up doing. And if you're getting bad service, I guarantee you that there are lots of great vendors out there who will be happy to have your business. Everyone else I worked with was helpful, kind, responsive, supportive, and professional, and all of those people did an awesome job.

* As a corollary: DO NOT pay in full, up-front, for ANYTHING. Seriously. Learn from my mistake!

Everyone's got an opinion!

We're waiting a bit longer for photos -- the DVD with our images is on its way! And wow, are the ones I've seen amazing.

Just about everyone's got an opinion on wedding planning. Before the wedding, it's hard enough to brush off the people who insist that you HAVE to do things a certain way, or who passive-aggressively comment about how gee, they wish they had the guts to be so "unorthodox," or gosh, "you're really going for the whole white-dress thing, aren't you?" But negativity can be even more upsetting after the wedding -- it can color your memory of the event, make you wonder if your loved ones actually had a good time.

Shortly after the wedding, Econo Boy and I had dinner with my father and his girlfriend. I've tried really hard to be friendly with The Girlfriend, but it's difficult for reasons I mentioned in this post, and to be honest, her general personality makes it harder. She's a bit of a drama queen, loves to complain, and puts a lot of emphasis on physical appearance. (Once she praised me for being "light and slight and a sensible eater, just like me!" We were at a restaurant. Three minutes later I ordered a giant calzone stuffed with mascarpone cheese and prosciutto and ate the whole thing, even though my stomach hurt afterwards. How's that for maturity on my part?)

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when TG told us "it was a lovely wedding" and then proceeded to tell us everything that was wrong with it. It was an awfully big wedding -- do you know, she'd always thought small weddings were the most likely to lead to happy marriages. Also, she couldn't hear the string quartet, and her food was cold. And the slice of cake she'd been given was "itty-bitty."

I jokingly asked why she hadn't just cut herself a piece from the cake at the cake table -- her table was right next to it, after all. She blinked, surprised. "I assumed it was a display cake! You know, styrofoam. Everyone does that nowadays."

She thought our cake was styrofoam. For the love of peanut butter and crackers.

Don't get me wrong, I still think we had an awesome wedding, but her comments stung a bit, and briefly (but only briefly!) made me wonder if the celebration I thought was awesome had, in fact, sucked for everyone who wasn't us. Has anyone else dealt with post-wedding sniping? How do you let it slide off your back?

Vignette 10: The getaway!

I was shocked when Econo Boy told me it was only 15 minutes before the dancing ended. Where had the time gone?!

After the last dance was danced, I went back to the bridal suite to throw my things in my suitcase and came downstairs to find Econo Boy's groomsmen waiting with eager smiles on their faces. I knew immediately they'd done something to our car.

I should say now that I'm not a huge fan of the auto abuse tradition. Too often, it seems to involve making the car near-undriveable. (And don't even get me started on wedding parties who short-sheet the bed or draw penises on the mirror in the bride and groom's wedding night suite. We're not 12 and we're not at summer camp, people.) But Econo Boy's groomsmen are much less obnoxious and much more creative than the usual auto-decorating crew. The guys had scrawled "just married!" on our back windshield and attached balloons to the bike rack. So far, pretty typical. But the coup de grace was the bubble machine. Yes, that's right, they attached a bubble machine to our car, and put bubble solution in the cupholder so we could refill it!

We couldn't really appreciate the handiwork as we drove to our B&B -- it was dark and we were pretty tired. But the next morning, Econo Boy and I proudly drove our decked-out auto to the post-wedding brunch, and refilled the bubble machine so we could trail bubbles behind us as we pulled up. Several small children squealed with delight as we passed, and Econo Boy and I waved and waved. It was all kinds of awesome.

Coming up next: the details! (By which, I mean actual photos!)

Wine Wednesday: Pine Ridge Chenin Blanc-Viognier

I've really been into white wines this summer, which is unusual for me. But darn it, they're refreshing and delicious on a hot, humid East Coast day! This Saturday, at the wine tasting run by our local liquor store, we were introduced to this beauty: Pine Ridge 2008 Chenin Blanc-Viognier, on sale for $11 (down from $14).

Image from wine.com

This is a rich, almost exotically floral white wine (the nose reminded me of jasmine), and uses one of my favorite grapes, Viognier. I told Econo Boy that this would be a perfect cocktail party wine -- it's round and interesting enough to be sipped on its own, without needing food to complete the experience. If you're looking for a more robust white, but don't usually like Chardonnay, I think this one might be a good pick!

Vignette 9: I could have daaaaaanced all night, or, BiE's insane shoe quest is vindicated

After I finally scored my pair of David Tates, I started to feel a little silly about the whole shoe thing. I had a perfectly nice pair of wedges -- why on earth had I gotten so obsessed with finding "dancing shoes?"

But my craziness was vindicated on the day of the wedding. Because while the wedges were perfect for walking on grass, at the end of the ceremony? Those thin plastic soles on the Coloriffics were making my feet weep with discomfort. Econo Boy felt my pain -- his rented patent leather shoes weren't exactly cushy either. He and I both ran upstairs after the family photos to swap out our uncomfortable ceremony shoes for better dancing shoes.

And those David Tates were magic on my feet that night. I danced as much as I've ever danced in my life. I waltzed to our first dance, "Blue Eyes" by the Cary Brothers. I two-stepped to "Wildflowers" by Tom Petty, our parent dance. I twisted and shouted to the oldies, walked like an Egyptian to one of my favorite songs from my tweenhood, and while no dance-offs ensued when the DJ played "Billie Jean," Econo Boy was delighted to learn that his new wife could moonwalk.

Our guests danced up a storm -- I knew I could count on my college pals to get down on the dance floor, but I had no idea my uncle or my cousins could cut a rug that way! The dancing pictures are some of my favorites from the whole wedding -- everyone looks happy, silly, and like they're having a great time.

One of my favorite moments was when the DJ played a song I'd requested for the playlist, "Melt With You" by Modern English. This was the first dance song for two dear friends (I'd been a bridesmaid at their wedding) and I'd hoped they would be on the dance floor when it was played. Sure enough, I was standing right next to them when the first notes played, and they both jumped with delight, grabbed hands, and tangoed out onto the dance floor! It was adorable.

Vignette 8: The aftermath of the rain

The ceremony had ended, the marriage license was signed, and our families assembled on the porch for those dreaded posed shots. Meanwhile, our guests started the outdoor cocktail hour. Hors d'ouevres were passed, and the lovely caterer brought a plate of them to the bride and groom, who scarfed them down gratefully. Those empanadas did not disappoint.

And then? Just as the last family shot was snapped? The rain came back. With a vengeance.

The rainstorm sent our guests scurrying inside (thus solving the problem of how to get everyone off the porch and into the dining room for dinner!), and sent our serving staff into overdrive. The lovely outside bar had to be struck down and moved inside as quickly as possible. With the staff scrambling to cope with moving the cocktail hour inside, a few things didn't get done. Most notably, there was no sparkling wine poured for the toasts (it was later plopped down just prior to the cake cutting), which was kind of a bummer, but did mean that we had lots of leftover Cava!

The humidity also made our menu cards a little droopy. And, for some reason, our candles kept going out! (Guess I know why they were $5 a dozen ...)

A slightly blurry guest photo of our centerpiece -- complete with 3 non-lit candles!

But despite the rain-related chaos, dinner turned out lovely. My dad gave a charming welcome toast -- efficient and to the point, but full of affection and warmth. Very much like him! Supermaid and the Best Man gave wonderful toasts as well -- Supermaid teased me about my previous conviction that I would never marry and ended by saying "I told you so!" The food was very good (especially the hors d'ouevres ... oh, those sausage and pecorino bites were divine!), the wine was amazing (naturally ;-)), and with a few calories and a little alcohol in my system, we began the process of table-hopping.

I had pushed for a receiving line. Boring, yes, but you get to see everyone. Econo Boy hated the idea and insisted we could simply visit tables during dinner after scarfing down our own food. Table-hopping worked fairly well, but gave us very little time to visit with anyone. (Then again neither would a receiving line.) This was the moment when I really felt the downside of our large wedding. Part of me resented the moments I felt obligated to spend with people like my mother's co-worker and her family (and it didn't help that one of the teenage girls informed me that they weren't having any fun!), rather than having a longer conversation with two of my favorite people who were sitting at that same table.

But I did get to talk with my friends, take one large group photo of our graduate school crew, and meet lots of people Econo Boy has been talking about for years but whom I've never met. Before I knew what was happening, our DOC tapped me on the shoulder and asked if we were ready for the first dance!