5. Caterers who think "extra side dishes" is a legitimate vegetarian option
I may be a carnivore, but even I know that a large helping of mashed potatoes and 3 extra green beans does not a vegetarian meal make. I've been to one wedding where the poor vegetarians at our table were starving after their "meal" and ended up sneaking all of the leftover bread from nearby tables! Note to caterers: if your "vegetarian option" is just the beef entree with the beef removed, you need to try harder.
As an addendum: fellow carnivores, if you attend an all-vegetarian reception, please don't embarrass the rest of us by throwing a fit or pouting that there's "no real food." Not having a meat option is not the same as not having a vegetarian option, because a meat-eater can still eat the food available. So grab a stuffed mushroom and an artichoke mini-pizza and chow down. One evening of veggies won't kill you.
4. "Daddy's Little Girl"
Really, sappy songs in general just aren't my thing. (This has been a problem as we select our first dance song; Econo Boy loves sentimental ballads.) But I find this one particularly icky -- it lays on the mush with a trowel, and that boring melody isn't helping. And while I was definitely a "daddy's girl" as a kid, nowadays it rubs my feminism the wrong way to be called "Daddy's little girl" in public. I'm 27, and on my better days I like to think I'm an adult!
3. Calla lilies
My favorite flowers have lots of texture, and look like you could bury your face in them and be rewarded with a marvelous scent. Think lilacs or roses (yes, roses, I don't care if you think they're boring, I love their smell!). Calla lilies, while lovely, don't really have that going for them -- they're very structured, almost architectural, and somewhat stiff-looking in my eyes. I think I may have also suffered a bit of calla lily overload -- when I first started looking for flower ideas, I was amazed at the number of online bouquet photos that involved nothing but calla lilies! Whatever the reason, the only coherent instruction I gave my poor florist at our meeting was "I like everything. Oh, except calla lilies."
Image from TheKnot.com
2. Jordan Almonds
Now, I love most candies, just not these ones. They taste like chalk, and they're impossible to chew. Yes, they're traditional, yes, they're "wedding-y," yes, they're a bit more "formal looking" than M&Ms in your wedding colors. I don't care. I think they taste gross. M&Ms are delicious, and I believe delicious should always win out over pretty.
1. In fact, the whole school of thought that says it's more important for food to look good than taste good. Also, fake food.
Wedding cakes with neon blue fondant, I'm looking at you. Fake wedding cakes, especially at weddings where no cake will be served?* I'm also looking at you. Seriously, is it really so important to have a pretty "wedding cake" for the guests to look at that you'll put out a chunk of decorated styrofoam? I don't get it, I really don't. Cake is for eating, end of story.
* People do this, I swear. It wasn't just a hallucination I had after eating too many lemon bars.
So have at me, people. Does anything on my list reveal me as a ridiculous human being with no taste or style? Am I heartless for hating on "Daddy's Little Girl"? Or do styrofoam cakes also make you secretly want to weep?