Monday, June 1, 2009

Wedding dislikes, Part II

In emulation of A., Meg, and many other of the fabulous blogs on my blogroll, I have decided to try and further the noble cause of making it OK to have opinions in the wedding blogging world. Also, like most grad students, I enjoy complaining. So here are 5 more wedding things I just don't get:

5. Caterers who think "extra side dishes" is a legitimate vegetarian option
I may be a carnivore, but even I know that a large helping of mashed potatoes and 3 extra green beans does not a vegetarian meal make. I've been to one wedding where the poor vegetarians at our table were starving after their "meal" and ended up sneaking all of the leftover bread from nearby tables! Note to caterers: if your "vegetarian option" is just the beef entree with the beef removed, you need to try harder.

As an addendum: fellow carnivores, if you attend an all-vegetarian reception, please don't embarrass the rest of us by throwing a fit or pouting that there's "no real food." Not having a meat option is not the same as not having a vegetarian option, because a meat-eater can still eat the food available. So grab a stuffed mushroom and an artichoke mini-pizza and chow down. One evening of veggies won't kill you.

4. "Daddy's Little Girl"
Really, sappy songs in general just aren't my thing. (This has been a problem as we select our first dance song; Econo Boy loves sentimental ballads.) But I find this one particularly icky -- it lays on the mush with a trowel, and that boring melody isn't helping. And while I was definitely a "daddy's girl" as a kid, nowadays it rubs my feminism the wrong way to be called "Daddy's little girl" in public. I'm 27, and on my better days I like to think I'm an adult!

3. Calla lilies
My favorite flowers have lots of texture, and look like you could bury your face in them and be rewarded with a marvelous scent. Think lilacs or roses (yes, roses, I don't care if you think they're boring, I love their smell!). Calla lilies, while lovely, don't really have that going for them -- they're very structured, almost architectural, and somewhat stiff-looking in my eyes. I think I may have also suffered a bit of calla lily overload -- when I first started looking for flower ideas, I was amazed at the number of online bouquet photos that involved nothing but calla lilies! Whatever the reason, the only coherent instruction I gave my poor florist at our meeting was "I like everything. Oh, except calla lilies."

Image from TheKnot.com

2. Jordan Almonds
Now, I love most candies, just not these ones. They taste like chalk, and they're impossible to chew. Yes, they're traditional, yes, they're "wedding-y," yes, they're a bit more "formal looking" than M&Ms in your wedding colors. I don't care. I think they taste gross. M&Ms are delicious, and I believe delicious should always win out over pretty.

Image from FavorStudio.com

1. In fact, the whole school of thought that says it's more important for food to look good than taste good. Also, fake food.
Wedding cakes with neon blue fondant, I'm looking at you. Fake wedding cakes, especially at weddings where no cake will be served?* I'm also looking at you. Seriously, is it really so important to have a pretty "wedding cake" for the guests to look at that you'll put out a chunk of decorated styrofoam? I don't get it, I really don't. Cake is for eating, end of story.

* People do this, I swear. It wasn't just a hallucination I had after eating too many lemon bars.

So have at me, people. Does anything on my list reveal me as a ridiculous human being with no taste or style? Am I heartless for hating on "Daddy's Little Girl"? Or do styrofoam cakes also make you secretly want to weep?

12 comments:

accordionsandlace said...

Ahahaha! I think I have made my opinions on wedding cakes clear--they are for the eating. I support any kind of wedding cake that facilitates my eating of it. I also cannot imagine why you would go to the effort of creating an elaborate fake cake only to nix an actual cake. That is sadistic.

Also I love that your dude loves sentimental ballads. That's cute. Mine would do our first dance to Slayer if I would let him. (No really, I'm not kidding.)

Oh and I am also unmoved by calla lilies. I'll stick my face in a bunch of wildflowers over calla lilies anyday.

anna said...

Oh well now I hate you. Styrofoam is so fabulous! Well not exactly.

Seriously though if I like something that you don't, what does it matter?

I know I sound like a broken record but I'm sort of happy that we don't all swoon over the same things. Eventhough for the most part I will where fabulous brides, such as yourself, are involved.

Screw it, I like what I like and if you don;t want my honest opinion do not ask! (Although I will always allow you to disagree!)

Eww a Tiffany theme.

anna said...

P.S. I also know what I don't like and this is a far longer list!

SG said...

I agree with you on the jordon almonds, I've never understood why people give those as favors other than that they are traditionally I suppose.

Also, when it comes to my cake, yes I want it to look pretty but if it tastes like crap what's the point??

Bride in Exile said...

A., I think the fake cake industry is actually a front for some university's psychology laboratory. I believe the fake cakes all have cameras in them, and are monitoring the behavior of cake-loving guests as they gradually come to the realization that there will be no cake, even though it looks like there will be one.

anna -- exactly! The world would be so boring if we all liked the same things. The problem in the wedding blogging world is that people tend to take different opinions personally, instead of just saying "you're crazy, I think calla lilies are gorgeous!" and doing what they want. Which is why I always feel compelled to put in a "wuss statement" like "what do YOU think? Am I wrong?" at the end of posts like these. I probably shouldn't. Baby steps, baby steps.

SG, I'm so with you -- the cake is going to be cut up and eaten. So why make it taste gross in the name of contorting it into some bizarre shape that matches your "theme"? I guess not everyone likes food as much as we do :-)

elizabeth said...

You're crazy! Calla lilies are gorgeous!!! They're pretty much the only flowers worth having at a wedding. What, were you raised in a cave???

HA! What a great post!

Fact is, I do loooove calla lilies - they're all over my yard. But I'm starting to love them much much less after seeing them so over-exposed in so many wedding photos. Argh. TheKnot et al have ruined calla lilies for me.

My pet peeve - which I've been scared to admit until now: birds. Birds everywhere. Birds, birds, birds. I get the lovebirds idea, but I think it's just creepy.

Ok, peck me to death and beat me with calla lilies...

accordionsandlace said...

I am loving the hate love-in here! Elizabeth, as an owl-obsessed bride myself, I ironically share your bird disdain. I LOVE birds but I don't love how generic everything gets. I just love owls too much to ever admit they're played!

BiE-I would like to read that study when it comes out.

Sara | Stinkerpants! said...

Dude, this list rocks. You rock.

Bride in Exile said...

Elizabeth, the first time I saw calla lily bouquets was (I think) on "Friends" at Monica and Chandler's wedding (Rachel and Phoebe were carrying them), and I remember thinking they were really cool. But since then they're everywhere -- I wonder if it was that Friends episode that did it?

Sara, thanks so much -- and thanks for my new sidebar icon! :-) (Sara designed the marriage equality image that I put on my blog.)

AnnC said...

Don't know if you'll ever read this comment, but still... Jordan almonds can be tasty. Yes. I thought I didn't like them either until I tasted some really good ones (not too much sugar, tasty almond). Now I'm stopping myself finishing the last ones remaining from my wedding (because I want to keep a few). And for people who don't like them, I also gave out small Dijon mustard pots of different flavours like blackcurrent and gingerbread (everybody loved that, and yes, I'm french : "les dragées" (Jordan almonds) are not compulsory, but very traditionnal...).

Bride in Exile said...

AnnC, I'll take your word that Jordan almonds can be done right! I actually do love praline nuts (a Southern thing, mostly done with pecans but sometimes with other nuts) so I bet there are good Jordan almonds out there that don't have the rock-hard, tasteless candy coating. And those Dijon mustards sound fabulous!

Jessica said...

AnnC, I love jordan almonds too! I've had some bad ones though—very disappointing.