On gratitude

One of the things I've struggled with this week is gratitude, and how to balance the appropriate amount of gratitude with the appropriate amount of sanity-saving alone time and appropriately saying "no, I'm so sorry, we won't be able to do that." Let me elaborate.

Weddings that turn into "wedding weekends" get a lot of flack from the indie bride community. But now I see how they happen. Econo Boy and I are booked solid from Thursday night until Sunday brunch. It's not that we think we're super-cool and so important that our wedding deserves a ton of extra events. It's that we have lots of people traveling in from out of town who we want to see (result: Thursday night dinner with friends), and lots of family friends who are throwing offers for parties at us left and right (result: Sunday post-wedding brunch). We honestly don't care if people attend or skip the "extras," but people offered to host them, and really wanted to do these things, and so we said yes.

But to be honest? Brutally, totally honest? I wish the brunch would go away. And maybe a few of the other events too. I could use some down time this weekend.

And I feel awful for feeling that way. Because these family friends have worked so hard to put these events together, and they've done it out of love and warm wishes and all good intentions. But I am so. fracking. sick. of reviewing lists of people who haven't RSVP'd for Wedding Weekend Event X, and of answering questions about whether we prefer donuts or danish. Again, I know full well that these questions are posed with the best of intentions, and that the people posing them just want to make us happy, and I answer all of them promptly and with enthusiasm (sometimes faked). But what would really make me happy right now is not being asked any more questions!

So the lesson here is twofold. 1) Any events associated with your wedding WILL INVOLVE WORK FOR THE COUPLE. Even if they say "you won't have to lift a finger," trust me, there's work in there somewhere. Sometimes it's tracking down RSVPs, sometimes it's long and boring conversations about the guest list, sometimes it's constant questions about details. Be aware of this, and accept or decline offers to host such events accordingly. (It's OK to decline.) 2) Sometimes we end up resenting people who are trying to be kind. Take a deep breath and remember that they're trying to be kind before you let yourself get too far over the edge. In short, remind yourself to be grateful that people care about you guys enough to do this stuff, even if the danish vs. donut e-mails are driving you nuts. And if you really don't care about what they're asking, just flip a coin ;-)

This is a message from the Office of Ceremony Program Quality Control

The little inkjet printer in the room is whirring, whirring, whirring, working its heart out to print the inside of our programs! It has already given us the front of the programs, our wine lists, and drink menus, plus name tags for the rehearsal dinner. Next up: place cards, color-coded according to meal choice. (Number of ink cartridges depleted thus far - 1, at $50 a pop. HP, hats off for your extraordinary dedication to the "sell the razor for cheap and the blade for dear" business philosophy. But I love your inkjet printers.)

I like doing this stuff. It makes me feel useful, and busy in a mindless sort of way that doesn't require too much concentration. Econo Boy has been writing thank-you notes and helping his mom with the rehearsal dinner nametags (she bought adorable cowboy boot stickers to put on them -- it's a Western BBQ themed dinner).

On another subject entirely, Econo Boy and I played hooky and went on a date last night. I highly recommend this activity in the week prior to your wedding. We banned all wedding talk, went to see "Star Trek," and then drank margaritas (decent ones, not ones made with that horrid sugary mix) and ate carnitas and sopapillas at my favorite Mexican restaurant in my hometown.

And this morning, we got our marriage license! We both agreed that the women working there seemed unusually cheerful for government employees. I'm sure that has a lot to do with the fact that they're giving out marriage licenses, and not handling vehicle registration or jury duty -- they see happy people every day.

So in short, we're doing really well. I still don't have shoes, though. C'mon Zappos, let's see that box!

A couple things I've done right

Two minor things were accomplished this morning.

* I ordered liquor and beer to fill out our bar -- and the store was running a sale! $7 off Bombay Sapphire and $3 per 12-pack off our favorite beer (Blue Moon). Yes! (My brother will be relieved when he sees the drinks menu. His cocktail of choice is the G&T, and I've been teasing him by saying that I'm going to buy the ultra-cheap Gordon's gin. I don't like gin at all, so I'm no judge, but according to Bro, Gordon's tastes like nail polish remover. Then again he likes sweet Riesling, so what does he know?)

* We will still have a cake, according to the nice lady at the bakery who took my CC information. Phew. I am not a pastry delinquent.

But to be perfectly honest, the courthouse elopement followed by popcorn-eating and shoe-running-over still sounds pretty appealing.

10 days out: details meltdown

OK. I pretended to be all cool and calm in this morning's post, but the truth is I'm having a meltdown. I'm swimming in details, constantly exhausted, and I feel like an unorganized failure. I know that's silly, that we've done a lot of things right and we're actually very organized, but in the past few days I just keep slamming against stupid little humiliating things that aren't working or that I didn't do right. And Econo Boy has gone backpacking with his father, so I'm left alone facing an ever-increasing list of stupid wedding crap like the following.

* Had the florist not reminded me, I would have missed her final payment deadline. And I think I may have missed the deadline to pay for the cake, judging from the very friendly but firm voicemail the baker left me today. Great.

* I still don't have shoes. I'm wearing a very cute wedge sandal for the ceremony (which is outdoors, hence the need for a heel that won't sink into the ground), but the shoe is vinyl and doesn't breathe at all -- I doubt it's going to be very comfortable for dancing. So I've been searching high and low for a cute sandal with a 2" heel that I can dance in and that won't break the bank ... and so far, zip. Zero. Nada. I've seen cheap shoes with footbeds that won't bend at all, great shoes with 3" heels, great shoes with only one pair left in a size way too small for me, and one pair of perfect shoes that turned out to be $300 Stuart Weitzmans, but nothing in my size and price range that I like even a little. And I came dangerously close to strangling a saleswoman who tried, very loudly and insistently, to convince me that a pair of shoes did in fact have a 2" heel if you "measured it right." Call me crazy, but if a heel adds 3" to my height, in my book that's a 3" heel.

* I'm also lacking a necklace. Several months back I found a stunning necklace online: Lily, from Blue Sprinkle.

Image from bluesprinkle.hostasaurus.com

But it was more than I wanted to spend, and so I kept looking. And looking. And looking. And I found ... nothing. And now, after several humiliating trips to various jewelry stores and department stores, having received looks dripping with either pity or scorn when I explain what I'm looking for (a very simple necklace with a drop pendant) and my ideal price range ($50ish), I am jewelry-less. (It's not like I want diamonds! I'm happy with paste, seriously, it only has to look good for about 4 hours. But the saleswoman at Nordstrom, which usually has such great customer service, turned away with a disgusted look on her face and *stopped talking to me* when I said that the pearl pendant she showed me was out of my price range. And it was a fucking ugly necklace to boot.) Maybe I should just give in to temptation and pay for 2-3 day priority shipping on the Lily necklace, but it still feels like too much money, and frankly I'm not sure I trust USPS to deliver it in the promised time frame anyway.

Ugh. Between hair appointments and shoes and jewelry and looking skeptically at the very expensive dress that I'm not even sure I like anymore, I feel sick about the money I've spent and the money I'm thinking about spending on myself, and I feel like I'm going to be the world's most unimaginative, slapped-together, frumpy bride no matter what, so why bother? It's probably gauche not to show up for one's own wedding, but I am so over this right now that I just want it all to go away so I can spend the 25th eating popcorn in front of a TV, having eloped to the courthouse the day before, donated my dress to charity, and run over my shoes a few times in a very large and heavy car.

Wine Wednesday: Clayhouse Adobe Red

Y'all. I am exhausted. 2 walkthroughs, numerous errands (votive candles for $5 a dozen at Michael's! Hooray!), a listening session, and what seems like an infinite number of discussions later, Econo Boy and I have picked our vows, purchased place cards, finished the seating charts for the rehearsal dinner and the reception, and somehow managed to squeeze in time with all 3 branches of the family (my mom, my dad, his parents). Still to do: dancing shoes (I'll explain later), decorations for the outside terrace, purchase of beer and liquor, and hopefully little else.

At dinner with my dad (who you may remember is a wine lover too), I chose the following bottle of red wine for the table.

Image from www.kenswineguide.com

US winemakers tend to prize varietal wines, which are almost entirely (or sometimes 100%) made from the same grape. While a wine labeled simply "red" can be a bit of a risk, I've grown to appreciate the results when skilled winemakers blend their grapes. This Clayhouse Adobe Red is delicious. The combination of Malbec and Zinfandel makes it rich and robust, with a nice kick on the finish, while the Syrah and Petite Sirah add roundness and softness. A great buy for $15 at the wine store (and still not a bad value at the restaurant for $32, but restaurant alcohol markups just kill me).

RSVPs part III: my favorite responses to RSVP follow-ups

Our efforts to follow up with guests who hadn't RSVPd yielded one excellent excuse, a couple who did RSVP but whose card went astray, and a handful of pretty lame responses.

* "I'm definitely coming, but my wife hasn't decided if she can make the time yet. Can you put her as a 'maybe'?"

* "Sorry I didn't return the card, I thought my dad already told you I couldn't make it." (Is it just me, or should someone over 30, living on his own, consider handling his own social calendar without parental assistance?)

* "Oh, right! I lost the invitation, but I totally want to come. When is it again? And can I bring my girlfriend?" (Age of guest: two years older than I am.)

But my personal favorite RSVP mishap was the phone call I got last night: "Hi BiE! I RSVP'd no, but then I realized the river rafting in Colorado was going to be awesome this month. Can I still come? I already bought the plane tickets." (This was a relative of mine! We got the call while staying with my grandparents, and my poor grandmother was beside herself with annoyance.)

To be honest, though, we're feeling pretty good about everything -- walkthroughs are scheduled, all invited guests are accounted for, our seating chart is in good shape, and we're arriving in Denver tomorrow. Whew! Here we go!

Wine Wednesday: A Zinfandel for summer

In their Wine Notes column last week, my favorite wine writers, Dottie and John of the Wall Street Journal, gave advice to a student at Chapel Hill looking to expand his palate on a tiny budget. Their advice was excellent -- go down to the local wine store and buy a mixed case of wines under $10. Econo Boy and I have been doing that for a while ourselves. We'll take an afternoon, go down to the wine store, grab an empty case box, and start picking different wines to try.

The rule for these cases is that they have to be mostly wines that are new to us, but we also go back to old favorites -- I think Altos Las Hormigas has found its way into our last 3 cases. Another regular feature of our mixed cases: Rabbit Ridge Barrel Cuvee Zinfandel, from California's central coast.

Image from www.rabbitridgewinery.com

This charming wine is surprisingly gentle for a Zinfandel. It's not particularly spicy or peppery, but it's not a fruit bomb either. It's just a relaxed, smooth, sippable wine that doesn't feel too heavy on a hot summer day. (But be aware of the high alcohol content in this one! 14.9% packs a bigger punch than the usual 13-14%.)