Wednesday, July 15, 2009

10 days out: details meltdown

OK. I pretended to be all cool and calm in this morning's post, but the truth is I'm having a meltdown. I'm swimming in details, constantly exhausted, and I feel like an unorganized failure. I know that's silly, that we've done a lot of things right and we're actually very organized, but in the past few days I just keep slamming against stupid little humiliating things that aren't working or that I didn't do right. And Econo Boy has gone backpacking with his father, so I'm left alone facing an ever-increasing list of stupid wedding crap like the following.

* Had the florist not reminded me, I would have missed her final payment deadline. And I think I may have missed the deadline to pay for the cake, judging from the very friendly but firm voicemail the baker left me today. Great.

* I still don't have shoes. I'm wearing a very cute wedge sandal for the ceremony (which is outdoors, hence the need for a heel that won't sink into the ground), but the shoe is vinyl and doesn't breathe at all -- I doubt it's going to be very comfortable for dancing. So I've been searching high and low for a cute sandal with a 2" heel that I can dance in and that won't break the bank ... and so far, zip. Zero. Nada. I've seen cheap shoes with footbeds that won't bend at all, great shoes with 3" heels, great shoes with only one pair left in a size way too small for me, and one pair of perfect shoes that turned out to be $300 Stuart Weitzmans, but nothing in my size and price range that I like even a little. And I came dangerously close to strangling a saleswoman who tried, very loudly and insistently, to convince me that a pair of shoes did in fact have a 2" heel if you "measured it right." Call me crazy, but if a heel adds 3" to my height, in my book that's a 3" heel.

* I'm also lacking a necklace. Several months back I found a stunning necklace online: Lily, from Blue Sprinkle.

Image from

But it was more than I wanted to spend, and so I kept looking. And looking. And looking. And I found ... nothing. And now, after several humiliating trips to various jewelry stores and department stores, having received looks dripping with either pity or scorn when I explain what I'm looking for (a very simple necklace with a drop pendant) and my ideal price range ($50ish), I am jewelry-less. (It's not like I want diamonds! I'm happy with paste, seriously, it only has to look good for about 4 hours. But the saleswoman at Nordstrom, which usually has such great customer service, turned away with a disgusted look on her face and *stopped talking to me* when I said that the pearl pendant she showed me was out of my price range. And it was a fucking ugly necklace to boot.) Maybe I should just give in to temptation and pay for 2-3 day priority shipping on the Lily necklace, but it still feels like too much money, and frankly I'm not sure I trust USPS to deliver it in the promised time frame anyway.

Ugh. Between hair appointments and shoes and jewelry and looking skeptically at the very expensive dress that I'm not even sure I like anymore, I feel sick about the money I've spent and the money I'm thinking about spending on myself, and I feel like I'm going to be the world's most unimaginative, slapped-together, frumpy bride no matter what, so why bother? It's probably gauche not to show up for one's own wedding, but I am so over this right now that I just want it all to go away so I can spend the 25th eating popcorn in front of a TV, having eloped to the courthouse the day before, donated my dress to charity, and run over my shoes a few times in a very large and heavy car.


sera said...

okay, okay, breathe. I am sooooo right there with you and i have just under two months. you will be lovely, with or without a necklace, with or without the perfect sandals to wear while dancing (haven't you seen all of the shots of the brides in converse or ballet flats on the dance floor? that's my back up), and you already said it, you have so many things skillfully taken care of. it will be okay. but just to let you know, thank you for posting this too. I'm panicked at two months out and I needed to hear someone else's panic, but it will be okay. the important things are the boy, the ceremony, the fun. and you picked out the wine which sounds damned sweet! just pause and think of all of the important matters that you have taken care of. and it will be okay.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that necklace is indeed ugly.

I am sure this is no comfort, but you are so totally normal. I think meltdowns are part of the process. I have already missed a payment as well. We'll live.

Who cares if you hate your dress--you only have to wear it for one day anyway. You can forego a necklace completely if need be. All of it will work itself out in an imperfect way, but in the meantime you should just vomit this crap out into the blogosphere as much as you need to--we are all allowed to have a freakout now and then!

Mandy said...

I am so with you! I posted my own meltdown post to my blog as well. I am two days out and having a rough time. I've figured out shoes (cute sandals from the New Balance Store - they come in wides which was my earlier meltdown), figured out necklace - made it myself and I have a bit of fondness left for my dress(I do wish I had found someone to make my dress - but oh well).

As for your necklace problem - can you take the picture to a bead store and have them help you make it? It looks really simple - just a bit of chain:
and a few crystals and pearls.

LPC said...

Aw. Sending you maternal feelings.

Julia (Color Me Green) said...

i'm sure that even though you worry you'll be a frumpy bride that everyone who sees you that day will think you look you look totally elegant and wonderful. the thing that matters most is the smile on your face bc you're getting married. my friend who just got married misplaced her jewelry and got some earrings from walmart day of to replace them and it was fine! no one knew. so i'm sure you can figure something out re the necklace. good luck with the next 10 days!

Laura said...

Ohhhhh, the person inside of me who fixes all for my friends wants to give you a huge hug and then find you some shoes dammit! How about these?
Or these?
Or these?
1/4 inch to 1/2 inch extra on the heel height won't make your dress look too short, trust me. Zappos is quick with the shipping too!

Additionally, let me go on the record necklace at all is often QUITE stunning even with a dress that is strapless (or has very thin straps). Fabulous earrings are easier to find and if you put your hair up they become the focal point...and really your earlobes are so much closer to the place people really should be looking...your happy face!

Just remember nobody knows about the things that were supposed to be that don't actually materialize that day....all small details aside you're going to have a fabulous wedding.

Bride in Exile said...

Thanks so much for the kind words, everyone (and for the shoe suggestions, Laura!). I feel much better and more in perspective about the last little attire details now. These seemingly tiny issues are hitting some pressure points for me, namely 1) my insecurity about my appearance and fashion sense, 2) my hatred of being bullied or treated badly by salespeople, and 3) my discomfort with spending money on myself (which is probably related to #1). Also, once I get an idea in my head, it's hard for me to stop short of my goal, no matter how annoying the idea turns out to be in reality. Once three or four salespeople sneer at me or show me ugly pearl pendants, my initial "gee, I've got a lot of bare skin around my neck, I should get a cool necklace!" thought turns into "I must get a necklace OR THE EVIL SALESPEOPLE WILL WIN AND I WILL BE A FAILURE." Must. Chill.

CaitStClair | A Peachy Bride said...

Ugh. I hear you on the frumpy bride fears. I had a dream that I forgot to get my 4 sizes too big dress altered and so I had to wrap the sash around tight to hold it up! Or another one where I didn't even manage to brush my hair...
Since you're wanting a simple pendant I would second going to a jewelry store and have them help you buy the stuff you'll need. I'm NOT very good at that sort of thing but still managed to make pearl necklaces for my girls. It was actually pretty painless and could be really cheap. That's only if you want to though. Sometimes no necklace at all makes an even better statement. I can see you rocking it either way.

Anonymous said...

Try for a necklace that won't break the bank.

Mouse said...


I agree. Ugly.