Shortly after we hired our DOC, I ran across a debate on a message board about the entire DOC concept. The brides fell into two camps on the issue.
Camp A: You spend SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT on this ONE DAY and it should be PERFECT and why on earth would you leave the details to anyone but a PROFESSIONAL?
Camp B: Ugh, I don't need to pay someone else to organize for me. I'm laid back. I won't care if things go wrong. I'm marrying my best friend and that's all that matters.
I started to feel that sinking combination of guilt and shame. The Camp B brides appeared to have it all figured out, and I wanted so badly to be a Camp B woman. And yet, here I was, worrying about what would happen if I forgot a detail or this or that vendor flaked out on us. If I'm marrying Econo Boy, why should I care if the cake doesn't arrive or I forget to bring the table numbers? Am I a micromanager who can't see the forest for the trees? Do I even deserve to marry such a great guy if what I'm worried about is whether or not the menu cards get set up and the rental company delivers enough plates?
1) We are throwing a very large party. There will be lots of details. Some of those details -- like whether or not the menu cards make it to the tables -- won't be noticed by anyone if they fall through the cracks. Others -- like whether or not people have plates for their food -- will make a big difference in our guests' enjoyment of the day.
2) Econo Boy and I could have chosen not to throw a large party, and simply tied the knot at the courthouse. In fact, I thought about it pretty seriously. But we decided to do it this way because we wanted to be with our family and friends. It's OK to care about their comfort and enjoyment.
3) If someone doesn't do the job you paid them to do, it's OK to find that annoying and to want them to fix it. Yes, even if you're getting married that day. Getting married does not give businesspeople license to take advantage of you and then call you a "bridezilla" when you complain.
4) Weddings are stressful. Being worried or stressed out on occasion is not a moral failure or a sign that we're focused on the wrong aspects of the wedding. It's just par for the course.
Phew. I feel better. Anyone else find it easier to give yourself permission to be stressed on occasion than to guilt yourself into pretending you don't really care?